Mindset First

By Zahra Aljabri

Do you feel that no matter what you do, it's never good enough?

Have you played it by the book, yet your life doesn't look like you did?

You were a dutiful child and honored your parents. You went to school, got good grades, graduated, and you work hard at your job. Yet, people with less talent and integrity have the success you desire.

You are also a practicing Muslim yet you have a hard time finding a deep connection with Allah. You pray, but your mind wanders. You make du'a, but deep down, you're unsure if it is "written". That constant weight of feeling like you're not being a "good enough Muslim" follows you everywhere.

You're not alone. For years, I walked this same path, checking all the boxes, yet missing the essence of Islam. The worst part? This disconnection didn't just affect my spiritual life – it seeped into everything:

• My prayers felt like a burden rather than the relief they're supposed to be
• Decision-making was paralyzing because I was always seconding guessing myself and forever "thinking about it"
• Marriage prospects were anxiety-inducing because I didn't think anyone would want me
• I held myself back from opportunities because I didn't feel good enough 
• Even when I did achieve some success, like my law degree, it didn't make me feel better or as happy as I thought it would
• Setbacks hit harder and felt like a personal failing because I thought Allah was punishing me  

Like other Muslims I knew, I tried a variety of solutions:

1. Be grateful: just be grateful for what I have. I should just be happy and say "alhamdulilah". This made me feel worse as it seemed like I was ungrateful. I started questioning what was wrong with me and that I "should" be happy for what I have.
2. Suppress it: For the longest time, I just tried to suppress the feeling of not being enough. I tried to live my life, go on girl trips, tell everyone that everything was "fine, alhamdulilah"
3. Work harder: I tired working more -- working nights and weekends, learning new time management techniques, etc. I also tried praying more, going on Umrah, attending Islamic conferences, watching lectures, etc. While these efforts sometimes yielded a burst of Iman, they were short lived and, overall, working harder just made me exhausted, frustrated, and bitter.
4. Secular self-development: I devoured various personal development books and programs, but have very little results as they were disconnected from my spiritual beliefs.

Sadly, none of these approaches solved my problem.

In fact, my condition only got worse -- I was feeling resentful, jealous and discouraged. This is because nothing I was doing was actually addressing the root cause. Everything I was doing was simply trying to cope or overcome my internal discontent and confusion. It was like I was trying beat down a door exhausting myself instead of trying to find the key that unlocks it. 

So there I was. Stuck. Feeling like it didn't make sense! Nothing worked. The harder I tried, the more confused I became. On the one hand, I was taught that if you prayed, made du'a, was a "good Muslim", we would have a "good life" ("hayatan tayyibah") [Surah An-Nahl 16:97]. On the other hand, here I was a practicing Muslim from a good family yet it seemed that everyone was having the success I sought -- everyone but me.

But then after a decade of struggle and years of searching, I finally started to piece thing together! It finally clicked.

I was struggling not due to a lack of effort or knowledge but because of my beliefs and mindset!

For the past ten years I was stuck in a vicious cycle: I would try to work harder, which would make me feel resentful and frustrated, those feelings would cause me to not get results, which would make me feel resentful and frustrated, etc. Only when I decided to look ay my thoughts and beliefs was I able to break the cycle.  

I had a negative victim mindset was dominated by my insecure ego and had me thinking:

1. Allah is angry and punishing me for all the intentional and unintentional wrong I do.
2. I am not good enough. I don’t add much value and am not significant. I make so many mistakes and to easily give into my desires.
3. Others are judging me because they think they are better or because they are envious of my blessing/success. They will try to block or limit me.

 With this mindset no matter how hard or how much I prayed I viewed myself as a victim. I viewed myself as unworthy of what I wanted. I viewed everything I did as not good enough. And so nothing ever was. So the problem was not my effort or my prayers it was my mindset. 

You see this negative mindset can hold us hostage. It tries to disconnect us from Allah by making us think we’re not worthy of love, success, enjoyment or peace. It locks us into low level tension and outright conflict with others. It prevents us from starting and sticking to the good practices that will improve our lives.

If you are Muslim who have been pursuing a goal for a while to no avail, don't make the mistakes I made - start with your mindset! 

What I finally learned is that our mindset, or way of thinking, is the missing ingredient that allows us to practically apply Islamic knowledge we already have to get the results promised to us in the Qur'an and Sunnah -- in this lifetime! You see, trying to use our Islamic knowledge without the proper mindset is like assembling IKEA furniture without the instructions -- it's messy and frustrating.

Our thinking influences how we see the world, what we pay attention to, what we feel, and how we behave. If we want to make any change or improvement to our life we must first start with examining our thoughts and beliefs.

In hindsight, it was impossible for me to extract all benefits of Islam in my life because my mindset with filled with anger, jealousy, and frustration, which created more of the same. I have realized that we must purify our minds of the negativity so our hearts can truly see. We do this because our hearts are the filter through which we see the world. 

When we have unresolved anger, hate, envy, shame, guilt, clouding our heart we see others, ourselves and Allah as unforgiving, harsh and hostile -- which leads to more disappointment.

As soon as I shifted my mindset I realized I finally had the right approach. I had finally found what addressed the root cause of my issue, and it all clicked because it was what Allah promises us, that if we look inward, He will fix our outer circumstance:

"Indeed, Allah would never change a people’s circumstance until they change their inner state" [Surah ar-Raad 13:11]

This is work I did on myself within my own mind and heart. It was finally something I could fully control- no circumstances, situation or person was needed for me to improve my mindset. Just my own dedication, commitment and consistency. I felt empowered! 

I gained confidence, I developed self trust, I appreciated my value, I grew courageous through this internal shift. Each day I was impressed by events that no longer triggered me, situations were I found it easy to speak up for myself and newfound enthusiasm in my ambitions.  

Since then I've developed a process to guide others to do the same. You must examine your mindset in 3 areas:

1. Your view of yourself
2. Your view of Allah
3. Your view of others/the world

Then you must go through a process to shift by 1) understanding what is your current mindset is, 2) how it is affecting you, 3) why it is that way 4) change into an empowered mindset. You must do this with focus, deduction and commitment as the shift takes time to stick. Do so and you will be rewarded.

I’ve come to attain so much peace, hope and connection because of this beautiful realization. It took me years to come to this understanding piecing together so many disconnecting resources. The blessings in my life has been so profound that I now do whatever I can to make it easier for others to attain this peace and clarity. So if you are like I was a decade ago, start by examining your mindset first.

If your mindset and heart are clear you will be able to see all the opportunities Allah has for you and make the most of them inshAllah! This has also been my clients' experience as well. Here are a few of their notes:

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For those who don't want to spend a decade like a I did piecing together disperate Islamic sources, I created "Friction to Flow" a step-by-step guide to walk you through:

• Shift your mindset in a lasting way no matter what has happened to you or what you've tried in the past
• Develop an empowering relationship with Allah based on love and trust
• Release the grip of negative self-talk and unworthiness
• Transform your daily practices from a mindless check-list to meaningful connections
• Access the peace and clarity that comes from truly having Allah in your corner

Don't spend years struggling like I did, waiting and exhausting yourself praying things will one day get better. Join "Friction to Flow" and learn the proven framework that has helped countless Muslims mend their relationship with Allah to experience the joy, peace, and tranquility you deserve. We have over 100 positive reviews. 

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT FRICTION TO FLOW

 

 

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